Coaching Mind

Unfulfilled desires are addictive

Why do people have addictions ? What may be the root cause? We all know the addictions such as smoking are very difficult to stop but what does this have to do with desires?

Desires are the spice in life

Desires are the spice of life. They are the driver of life. In life we need two things to be healthy

  • A good social life, close and healthy relations with people
  • Goals and desires, so we have a reason to wake-up every day and chase after

Without any of the two we will slowly waste away. Most of us invent new goals (or desires) when old ones are fulfilled. Maybe that sounds strange, as chasing goals comes with some pressure a stress. Not having any goals is the most relaxed state anyone can be right?

When nothing is happening in our lifes thought, something feels off. There is a void, something is not ok. That is because thinking, planning, exploring and creating is part of our biology and who we are. Are brains are the most complex machines in the world. Our brains have huge energy demands to we are learn every day by making new neuroconnection through the magical act of deep sleep. This is how we have evolved ever since we came down from the trees a few million years ago.

Chasing after our dreams is a positive healthy stress while on the other hand not having dreams or not being able to fulfill them causes enormous negative stress.

Be aware , be mindful!

Desires and goals

Desires and different from goals.  I consider desires more ideas something we cant really touch but they can have a great effect on our soul and happiness. Goals are what we chase after and is usually associated with material things or actions. Doing rather tha being. 

Below are some examples of human desires although there are many more.

Acceptance

The underlying motivation behind a strong desire for acceptance is as simple as desiring approval. This concept of acceptance extends beyond feeling accepted by family, friends, or coworkers… another important component of acceptance involves self-acceptance. When we deny parts of ourselves, who we truly are or who we believe ourselves to be, internal peace is impossible. With acceptance, the result is usually self-confidence full emotions, and capacity to reason.

Honor

Honor is fueled by a desire to obey moral codes and/or construct an upstanding character. The intrinsic feeling is loyalty and a sense that one has acted in ways that meet with the approval, behavioral expectations, or values of the group to which the individual wishes to belong.  For humans, a drive toward honor is often connected with desires to be seen positively by individuals or groups that are given importance, such family/spouse, friends or coworkers. We humans desire a sense of belonging.

Independence

The drive for independence is thought to be motivated by a desire for self-reliance/autonomy.  This is a desire that we all have , from our teens and is part of adult-hood. Some people may express a desire to be self-reliant by learning various skills or information that allow them to rely less on assistance from others and feel a greater sense of self-efficacy. Others may express the desire for autonomy by seeking support from within themselves, rather than from others. However the desire is expressed, the accompanying intrinsic feeling is that of freedom. 

Unfulfilled desires

Unfulfilled desires can be a real cause of addiction. This feeling of not completeness, not being able to meet your desires leaves a a mental, phycological gap. This gap may happen subconscioulsy are consciously. And cigarettes, in turn, can give you a feeling of completeness, a solution to the problem. Smoking is a low key activity that relaxes the mind, takes the min away from the problem and fills that void.

If we break apart the effects of smoking the most of us will very fast to the conclusion that the relaxation it provides is also a king of anesthesia. It is a pain reliever. But pain reliever from what? Maybe pain reliever from the problems in life?  This would mean that a person that smokes is unsatisfied in some areas of his life. Not fulfilled.

Summary

  • Having desires and goals is part of our biology and what keeps us alive.
  • Unfulfilled desires can cause a big void in our souls and the sense of completeness.
  • Unfulfilled desires are the main reason of addiction.

Final thoughts

  • Take the time to mindfully reflect on your own heartfelt desires. Try granting yourself permission to be honest with yourself about how you – consciously or otherwise – prioritize the motives and desires that truly drive your behaviors in life. 
  • I challenge you to think of any addiction (eating, drinking, smoking) as an illusion of happiness. Smoking is not your friend it an illusion.

Further Reading

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